Culture shock is an understatement

Sorry my posts have been sparse lately. The internet connections in TZ are extremely slow, and after braving the slow, dull trudgery through gmail and blogger one too many times, I gave up on the internet all-together. Quite liberating actually!

Here I am back in Amsterdam. To state that I might have culture shock is definitely an understatement... I found myself wandering slowly through the sheets, noticing everyone's clothing. A pair of nice jeans could feed the family of one of my kids for a year.

So much has happened, some of it which cannot be put on a public blog ;=) Where to begin?

I guess I'll begin with how I feel today. My mind is awash with memories, sensations, and favorite moments. To say the past 6 weeks have been some of the greatest of my life is quite true. In those weeks I have met so many remarkable people, filled with fun, love, joy, honesty and fun. Characters in a chapter of my life that I will never forget.

The last few days of my time in Tanzania were incredibly difficult. Saying goodbye to my nboy was heartbreaking. He feels like my son, I will think of him and worry about him every day. On my last Saturday there I went to the street kids center. I wanted to let them know I was leaving, but would be back next year. When I got there, I looked specifically for Yusef, one of my favorites. We have had a special relationship since the beginning. But after my boy was diagnosed with HIV, I wasn't spending enough time with Yusef and he got very hurt and angry with me. After two days of pulling away from me, I finally sat him down and looked in his eyes, saying "mimi rafiki"(I am a friend). After a long gaze into my eyes, he finally nodded and hugged me.

When I asked about Yusef at the center on Saturday, I learned he was sick with malaria. When I went into the boys bedroom, and I was struck by how lonely and sad he looked. Malaria leaves one feeling extremely weak, lethargic, achy and feverish. And I thought back to when I was a kid, my mom would sit with me and rub my back, and there was no one in this place to rub Yusef's back. So I sat with him for the next 30 minutes, rubbing his back. At the end, I kissed him on the cheek and said "Kwahere. I go Marekani"" (Goodbye, I am going to America). He looked at me with the saddest eyes and just nodded. It was so hard for me to walk away. How many volunteers does he form a special bond with, just to have them constantly walking out of his life.

Outside, I said goodbye to all the other kids and left with my boy. We walked back to CCS, and hung out taking pictures and being goofy. He looked me in the eye and said "God bless you Julieanne". Because of me he has a chance at a better life, and a longer life. I was actually able to change someone's life for the better, and not just anyone, but a boy who I love with all my heart. I can't wait to see him next June!

My last day was pretty special, thanks to Maya and Rasheed (not sure if I have mentioned her yet, but Maya is the roommate that moved in after Sophia sadly left. Maya and I formed a great bond, and are planning to come back to Africa together next summer). RASHEED! The uniquest of human beings =) It is funny how certain moments in life surprise and delight you unexpectedly".

There are a few people I have met on this trip that I know will be in my life for a long time, and I am grateful for the opportunity to have met them.

Yes, I am sad to leave Moshi, very sad. I am exhausted yet renergized by all I have experienced these past 6 weeks. I would probably need 10 hours of non-stop writing just to recount it all.