What does it mean to volunteer...?

Now that I am back in the states, I have had some time to think and process (albeit not too much)... I was talking with someone last night about some situations I found myself in while I was in Tanzania, situations way out of my realm of experience and understanding. He was commenting/criticizing the way that I acted... rash, impulsive (seemingly), hot-headed, 'American', naive, etc... And I must admit these words ring true, and I have chastised myself for some of my behaviors as well. BUT, I was in a serious situation with little-to-no support or trusted guidance, so I acted from my heart (perhaps not always the best thing since I tend to be quite emotion driven).

Was I naive? AM I naive? Yes, certainly. All people who volunteer with such vacation-volunteer programs as CCS are INCREDIBLY naive. They travel halfway across the world thinking they will make a difference, yet with little to no understanding of the culture (and sub-culture), society and structure, what lasting impact are they really having? Tanzania is an incredibly complex place, as are all third-world nations I am sure. There are levels of corruption and dealings that are such an intricate part of the society that perhaps it would fall apart without such things. So the volunteer from the nice, middle-class family spends a lot of money to travel halfway around the world, puts in a few hours a morning making kids lives fun, goes on safari, plays cards with friends, and calls it a grand humanitarian effort in their life (and on their CV). Is this volunteering? Is this bettering the lives of disadvantaged peoples? It seems the 'volunteers' get more out of the experience then the Africans.

I had read about such cynicism online before I left for my trip, but already committed to CCS (with its non-refundable policies), I decided to just go with it. And I still am happy I did. It got me to Tanzania by myself, something I'm not sure would have happened otherwise. And my experience in TZ was quite unique -- I can say with full honesty that I worked my ass off there, going to morning placement, afternoon placement, and a lot of extra work on top of that. Yes I partied at night, but I gave the people placed in my path every ounce of energy I could possibly muster (as did Sophia, Andrew, Julia, and a few other volunteers who really were committed to making a difference)...

And now...? It is time to really begin volunteering my time, energy, efforts, heart, and money. Now I have a grasp of the culture, the workings of the country, the language (and am committed to mastering Swahilli by the time I return in June)... What does it mean to volunteer? It means to care for your project as you would care for your child, giving it all the energy and devotion you can possibly muster. Someone I work with lived in an orphanage in TZ for 1 1/2 YEARS... now that is making a difference. I will be working on various projects (The Orphan Games) throughout this year, and then will return in June for 3 months. In the meantime I plan to read every book on Africa that I can get my hands on. It's a start, its a committment from my heart. I genuinely WANT to make a difference, and that will take a lot more effort then the 6 weeks I have put in this past summer.

I guess I am annoyed by the perceived 'goodness' of people who choose to do these programs. "Oh, you braved the dangers of Africa to go help poverty-stricken kids, you MUST be a good person..." It's a farce really-- anyone with enough money can make themselves look noble and valient.

Sorry for the negativity. I'm going to figure out how to put pictures up today so you can finally see my life for the past few months =)